What I draw is for me and no one else. I might share it, but not to get likes. It’ll be in the hopes of generating a connection, a conversation.
The photography I shoot is not with the intent of gaining new followers but simply to (maybe) share within a community of like-minded people.
No one needs to like what I draw or write, but I do.
Sometimes it’ll take a few minutes. other times it’ll take a few years.
Recently, I’ve started to respect the things I drew in high school, some of them at least (the themes were quite grim). I’m still in the process of liking work created during my animation degree eight years ago. I hope one day I’ll get there. Past me does not deserve such harsh criticism. I know she did her best. It’s the same with embarrassing pictures. We hate them when they’re taken, but after a few years, they become a good memory, “remember this? That was a fun day, look at my face!”
Other creations take less time. For example, I appreciate some of the pastel work I’ve made recently. The abstract shapes and blending quickly appealed to me. When I doodle, I tend not to like it until the whole page is finished, as if it were a serious work of art.
Life is not that serious, maybe frame that stupid doodle!
Maybe that sketch needed to look foolish because it was a meditation on paper, so it didn’t matter what I was drawing. Just lines and shapes on paper as the hour(s) passed by without me noticing. No clouds in my mind.
I started drawing postcards for my friends abroad, and I found myself overthinking what to draw. Who cares?! They certainly don’t. They’ll be surprised and happy no matter what I sketch because it’s the thought that matters.
It’s not about the end result. It never is, but we get so caught up.
Of course, people’s reactions have changed my relationship with my art. This was an important reason why I didn’t pick up a physical paintbrush or pastel for six years. I transitioned to unshared sporadic digital art, paper frightened me. I won’t even mention canvas. However, during those times, I found a safe space within crochet, weaving, and knitting. The textures of yarn were soothing and meditative to me, and it was something easily shared with friends and family without added comments. Who could ever say no to a homemade poncho or a wall hanging?
My art is not loud or particularly skilled, but that doesn’t make it any less valid. And that’s the respect I’m learning to build. Picking up that pastel and paper, or paintbrush and canvas.
Yes, sure, sometimes (often) I compare my work to someone else’s, but isn’t that unfair? Both to myself and them. To myself because there’s no need to create unnecessary doubt about my own creativity. To the other person because who knows how long it took them to get where they are? Maybe they’ve been painting with aquarelle every day for years, while I’ve only been doing it for two days!
I create to externalise and meditate. It could be a neutral thought, an image, a melody, a mood, a sequence, a pattern. Neutral, good, or bad. It could be anything, like this post. It’s a way for me to jot down what’s in my mind instead of running in circles, trying to bite my own tail. It quietens my mind’s ocean.
As Patanjali wrote chitta vritti nirodha or “stilling of the fluctuations of the mind”. That’s what this is all about, lessening the ripples so that I get to actually see what’s underneath the surface. Not to dismiss it, but to understand myself better.
Maybe instead of criticising the creative process, let’s take some time to understand it. We’re only human, living in a big life. We have hardships and happy moments, but do we take the time to process them? And I don’t mean time to heal, although sometimes it is required, but to really recognise what goes on in our minds. One day I could be feeling perfectly fine, but I instinctively end up drawing something that could be taken as miserable. Why? I find it really important to ask myself this question. Am I denying a feeling? If so, is there a reason? Let’s continue drawing, there is a space for something to bubble up if needed. Or other days (sometimes months) I feel completely uninspired. So what can I do in those instances? I take walks and look around. Sharpen my senses a bit.
And if I make friends in the process, I couldn’t wish for anything better!
What’s your purpose for creating? Which mediums do you find therapeutic or enjoyable?
It has taken me a while to understand why do I feel the need to create. Had to peel off so many beliefs, thoughts and expectations (and have written the whole post about it ☺️).
I love the idea of creating for the sake of creating, being in a moment, enjoying it, not overthinking it. I often take things too seriously. ♥️